Local pastor stirs up controversy again—this time with new book
Pastor Gerry Stoltzfoos of Gettysburg releases new book 83 Lost Sheep, a autobiographical book claiming that opening new churches across the country is the answer to America’s problems.
Gettysburg, PA (Jan. 5, 2011)— In the past decade, Pastor Gerry Stoltzfoos has managed to stir up controversy in Adams County and beyond.
In 2007, he was the focus of ABC’s Nightline study of “speaking in tongues,” a Pentecostal method of prayer. Two years later, he was asked to open a Pennsylvania House session in prayer, only to be rejected by lawmaking officials for wanting to use the name of Jesus—a decision that sent local Christians into a frenzy.
Addressing yet another issue, Stoltzfoos is releasing his new book 83 Lost Sheep, in which he discusses America’s sharp decline in church attendance. “I feel like we lost,” he writes in his newly released book 83 Lost Sheep. “My fellow pastors and I should be weeping in shame.”
His 160-page book goes on to outline his desire to open 1,000 churches in his lifetime, by training and mentoring teams of people who would set out to start new churches from scratch, much like he and his wife started Freedom Valley Worship Center in Gettysburg 18 years ago.
“Church is important because it connects entire communities to Jesus, who is the healer of families and heartaches and addictions,” Stoltzfoos said. “And continually opening new churches invites more people to get involved, and more communities to get connected to the heart of Jesus.”
But not everyone agrees that “church planting,” as he calls it, is the way to healthy communities. In his book, Stoltzfoos recounts his experiences with aggressive opponents of his theory—many of them pastors and church attenders.
“If we got serious about reaching our world, it would require as many as half of all churches to get involved in planting churches. If we did this, within the next 100 years, we could seriously change the momentum and begin to reach American culture,” Stoltzfoos explains. “It’s been done before. It can be done again.”
The title 83 Lost Sheep is a reference to the 83% of Americans who do not attend church, and to the Biblical teaching in Luke 10, in which Jesus sends out his disciples to gather the “lost sheep.”
“Somehow we have all been fooled into believing that it’s time to maintain, not time to grow,” Stoltzfoos writes. “Instead of planting new churches, we should just mow our grass and clean the windows and take out the trash. This could not be further from the truth. If we are going to prevail, we must plant churches.”
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday, December 13, 2010
Just got this on my Facebook. This, my friends, is what I live for, why God created me, and why I am in existence! I can live a LONG time on kind words like these and the opportunity to do this kind of work. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to live this life!
Notes like this help me forgive myself for all the dumb things I should have done differently, and leadership mistakes I have made in the past...
Notes like this help me forgive myself for all the dumb things I should have done differently, and leadership mistakes I have made in the past...
Thank you for being our pastor ....I thank the Lord for you and your family and Freedom Valley!! you guys are truely life savers! Your family and church are very important to us for this is where all of my children accepted Christ in their hearts, were baptized in water and the Holy Spirit....and are growing in their walks and relationship with the Lord....I am truely grateful, thankful, and blessed to be at Freedom Valley! Thanks a bunch!
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Elevate Ministry School exciting announcement!
Hey learners!
I am pleased to announce a new piece to our effort to train men and women for ministry. Starting this month, we are offering all of our Elevate Ministry School courses on-line as well as live. That is, a student could take these ministry classes from home at their computer. and earn college credits at a huge discount! What we are most excited about, is that these students can be trained in the local church, while using their gifts right there where God planted them- serving and practicing their gifts while they learn!
Acts 1 states that Jesus began to "do and teach". Our hope is that these classes can help students learn while doing the work of the ministry in their own local church, "doing and being taught". If Jesus linked those two together, perhaps we can do it to!
Here's how it works: Internet students will have access to lectures within 4 hours of delivery. They will then have6 days to listen to the lecture and classroom discussion, and produce notes that must be submitted as proof of having participated. This will delivery a learning experience very close to being there in person!
The financial benefit: these classes are vastly less expensive than attending any Bible school, or secular college. Each class represents a huge discount (scholarship) while offering a high quality education with credits accruing by Valley Forge Christian College! It is as if each student receives a more than 75% scholarship! This make sit possible for students to save large amounts of money, hold down a regular job, and get a huge jump on their education. One parent told us that by taking all that we have to offer here before moving to VFCC or another college, a family could save more than $6000! As a father with three young adults in college, I can deeply appreciate the value this represents!
What's more, each student can take all the classes needed for credentialing with the Penn-Del District as a certified minister. Additional credits are also offered. Classes offered as of this Fall are: OT Survey, Biblical Interpretation, Public Speaking, Gospels, Theology I, Acts, Biblical Foundations of Missions, Worldviews, Intro to Social Sciences, Music Theory. 10 exciting courses classes!
For more info, go to www.freedomvalley.org
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The DR challenge
Mike Fleming has been reaching out to the witches and warlocks of Padre Las Casa. And he, his family, and the church have been under attack for it as you can imagine.
Normal people would run away from a battle like this. But that is not what God called us to do, is it? We are called to run TO the battle, not away from it. And that is what about 20 of us are doing this week. We are heading into the issues that enslave children, ruin families, and hold people in poverty in Padre Las Casa.
This week, many will find freedom. Then later this Fall, hundreds more will stream into the Kingdom of God in our huge Fall crusade there.
This is worth risking everything for. After all, that is exactly what Jesus did, and the example He gave us to follow.
Normal people would run away from a battle like this. But that is not what God called us to do, is it? We are called to run TO the battle, not away from it. And that is what about 20 of us are doing this week. We are heading into the issues that enslave children, ruin families, and hold people in poverty in Padre Las Casa.
This week, many will find freedom. Then later this Fall, hundreds more will stream into the Kingdom of God in our huge Fall crusade there.
This is worth risking everything for. After all, that is exactly what Jesus did, and the example He gave us to follow.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
nice blog from http://churchmultiplication.us/
Cool blog from the church planting people at CMN. God is very nice to me...
“83% of my state are going to hell and it breaks my heart,” Pastor Gerry Stoltzfoos shares in response to why church planting is such a vital component of Freedom Valley Church in Gettysburg, PA. Since planting Freedom Valley in 1992, they have grown as a church of six sites. Beyond simply having multiple sites they have also parented and partnered with a total of 26 church plants since 1992. Their goal is to plant 100 churches by 2020.
Their journey hasn’t been without challenges. 38 of his congregation chose to move to Tulsa for their most recent plant. “It’s breathtakingly painful,” Gerry says. Beyond the life long friends that have been made that choose to go to a different site or plant the most recent plant hit directly at home for Gerry. His then executive pastor, now church planter Jason Fitch asked about the policy of there being no limit on who he could recruit from the congregation. Gerry’s response was that was the policy, to which Jason said he was glad because he was going to ask Gerry’s daughter and son-in-law to go as worship leaders.Freedom Valley Tulsa was blessed with not only the new worship leaders but Gerry’s son also decided to join the team. Gerry reflects, “It’s also unbelievably rewarding. I just keep repeating the mantra, ‘this is about winning souls for the Kingdom.”
Recently Pastor Gerry was able to baptize a single father. When he had a chance to ask him his story the father shared that three months ago thought he was going to be an atheist and thought pastors like [Gerry] were “worse than Hitler” and the real deceivers of our culture. A few months ago a family from Freedom Valley Church invited my 10 year-old dauther to come to church. She came home that Sunday and told her dad she gave her heart to Jesus. He wanted to be supportive of his daughter and chose not to belittle what she had shared with him. Over the next few weeks he said she changed so much in front of his eyes. The anger and resentment over her parents recent divorce seemed to disappear.She became a person of love and forgiveness, changing her personality completely. It was then that he asked himself, “Why would I not want that in my life?”
Freedom Valley Church is set to launch two more sites in 2010. Pastor Gerry’s advice to other pastors, “You have to keep yourself on kingdom multiplication and not allow yourself to feel you are the only thing out there.”
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Medical Detectives show taping today
Miracle Detective is a brand new book by Randall Sullivan. It is also becoming a TV show for Ophra's new network which begins early next year.
Because of the piece that Nightline did on me with the medical study which seems to medically show that tongues does not come from the message center of the brain, Miracle Detectives contacted me to see if they can do an episode on the relationship between speaking in tongues, and miracles.
Today more than a dozen of us gathered in the sanctuary to pray together, in tongues and in English while they taped us and interviewed some of us afterward. It was an interesting experience.
None of the 7 crew members claimed to be believers in Christ, but both of the two that I ask, said they felt His presence in the room as we prayed. God really moved into our little prayer time, making Himself felt as we called on him in English and in our prayer language.
Then they interviewed Ed Funk and Daniel Barnard about how their lives changed after they were saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. Earlier they had also interviewed Sandy Cullison about her medically verifiable healing from tumors, and other health issues. Cindy Janczyk told about her experience with The Holy Spirit, as did Matt Topper, Jason Shue, and Tyler Belfiore, who just started speaking in tongues last week!
Of course we don't know how editors will spin it, and what the final product will look like. I know that I am a goofy enough guy that they could use these things a lot of different ways. But however God chooses to use me, I am confident that He will orchestrate our feeble efforts for His higher good!
That you-all, who prayed with me.
Because of the piece that Nightline did on me with the medical study which seems to medically show that tongues does not come from the message center of the brain, Miracle Detectives contacted me to see if they can do an episode on the relationship between speaking in tongues, and miracles.
Today more than a dozen of us gathered in the sanctuary to pray together, in tongues and in English while they taped us and interviewed some of us afterward. It was an interesting experience.
None of the 7 crew members claimed to be believers in Christ, but both of the two that I ask, said they felt His presence in the room as we prayed. God really moved into our little prayer time, making Himself felt as we called on him in English and in our prayer language.
Then they interviewed Ed Funk and Daniel Barnard about how their lives changed after they were saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. Earlier they had also interviewed Sandy Cullison about her medically verifiable healing from tumors, and other health issues. Cindy Janczyk told about her experience with The Holy Spirit, as did Matt Topper, Jason Shue, and Tyler Belfiore, who just started speaking in tongues last week!
Of course we don't know how editors will spin it, and what the final product will look like. I know that I am a goofy enough guy that they could use these things a lot of different ways. But however God chooses to use me, I am confident that He will orchestrate our feeble efforts for His higher good!
That you-all, who prayed with me.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Things that make me cry on Father's Day
Lot's of Dad's feel so much pain on Father's Day because of choices their kids made. I, too, cry a lot each year these days, but not because of bad choices my kids made. Quite the opposite.
And please forgive me if this sounds braggadocious. God has been extraordinarily good to me with my kids, and this proves it. And in case you worry, please know that I am well aware that I do not deserve all these kinds words that my kids lavish on me (in this case Candace), but I feel I would be somehow just wrong if I didn't honor HIM by sharing it. She (they) makes me cry in the best sort of ways.
3 John 1:4 has become a favorite verse recently: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth".
So here goes the nice things Candace wrote me this evening:
And please forgive me if this sounds braggadocious. God has been extraordinarily good to me with my kids, and this proves it. And in case you worry, please know that I am well aware that I do not deserve all these kinds words that my kids lavish on me (in this case Candace), but I feel I would be somehow just wrong if I didn't honor HIM by sharing it. She (they) makes me cry in the best sort of ways.
3 John 1:4 has become a favorite verse recently: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth".
So here goes the nice things Candace wrote me this evening:
Hi Dad,
I've gotten so many compliments on what a great job I did during Harvest Cry. People complimenting my leadership left and right, my way with kids, my organization, my work ethic, even the decorations, which I barely even touched! When I protest about the decorations and try to give Izetta credit, they just shake their heads and chalk it up to "delegation". haha, I am so very blessed.
And so, I want to thank you. I have grown up under the best leader I know, and I seem to have amazing insights that come very easily to me, but shock the socks off of people! You and mom taught me those things that come second nature. I didn't realize until this past year how differently I think than most people...even most Christians. You taught me basic leadership skills from as early as I can remember. Things that seem so simple! And I remember learning things right along with you and mom all along the way. You included us in your learning processes a lot, and in your relationship with God, I just can't seem to get over the blessings that have come from that!! You prayed favor over us constantly, in which I am now living and leading!
After Johannes' message in the 9:15 service, I realized that I rely on the Holy Spirit for answers constantly with kids, and He always comes through for me! Just last night, I had two girls who wanted to get baptized AGAIN, and their parents didn't know what to tell them. Neither did I, but they were looking to me for answers, so I took a deep breath, confidently marched over to the girls, and started talking. I had no idea what I was going to tell them, I was feeling a little panic-y, but after I bumbled through it for a minute, suddenly, I was giving them a GREAT answer! I didn't know what I was saying until I said it, and it was at that moment, not before, that I realized I told them exactly what they all needed to hear. That was the Holy Spirit! He comes through for me like that CONSTANTLY, and I have you to thank for teaching me to rely on him.
You are such an inspiring man of God, and I just keep reaping the rewards from your life of service to him. I am soooooo blessed to be your daughter AND employee. Thank you for giving me to opportunity to serve your church alongside you. I'm tearing up as I write this, because I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for trusting me with such a big job, at such a young age. You saw and prophesied the leadership in me before I could even dream it. You've always believed in us, given us big jobs, and taught us to be leaders. I will never stop receiving the blessings for that as long as I live. My children will know those blessings as well!
Thank you, thank you, thank you Dad.
I love you.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Growth of the Kingdom in Adam's County
Below is a report from The American Religious Data Archive that details some surprising stuff. For example, since 1990, Adam's county grew 16% in population and 22% in total church adherence. The AG in Adam's County, grew 330%!
Here's the report: http://www.thearda.com/ mapsReports/reports/counties/ 42001_compare80.asp
But while I am glad there are huge gains in 'market share' (percentages of people connecting to church), the report also details what I want to focus on next- more of the 41,000 who are still disconnected, feeling unloved, unwanted, or out of order with God.
Adam's County is part of the Cold Northeast. That is, we are part of the least evangelized portion of America. 54 million people live here in Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Vermont.
An estimated 45 million of them will spend eternity in Hell.
THAT is the number that calls out to my soul morning, noon, and night. These are friends, colleagues, family members, and total strangers, but all of them matter deeply to God -and to every person who loves Him!
"With the right lever, I could move the world" is something like Aristotle or somebody said.
I believe strategy is that lever. I also believe that one day, God will give that lever to someone He can trust with His precious people, and that this person will be hugely instrumental in bringing them in.
If you are a parent, you may be raising that person. If you care enough about your neighbor to invite them to church, you may be inviting that person.
Or you may be that person. I pray that you are. God give us strategy to make a difference for the 45 million.
Source: http://www.pray4gcr.com/downloads/GCRTF_Progress_Report.pdf
Here's the report: http://www.thearda.com/
But while I am glad there are huge gains in 'market share' (percentages of people connecting to church), the report also details what I want to focus on next- more of the 41,000 who are still disconnected, feeling unloved, unwanted, or out of order with God.
Adam's County is part of the Cold Northeast. That is, we are part of the least evangelized portion of America. 54 million people live here in Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Vermont.
An estimated 45 million of them will spend eternity in Hell.
THAT is the number that calls out to my soul morning, noon, and night. These are friends, colleagues, family members, and total strangers, but all of them matter deeply to God -and to every person who loves Him!
"With the right lever, I could move the world" is something like Aristotle or somebody said.
I believe strategy is that lever. I also believe that one day, God will give that lever to someone He can trust with His precious people, and that this person will be hugely instrumental in bringing them in.
If you are a parent, you may be raising that person. If you care enough about your neighbor to invite them to church, you may be inviting that person.
Or you may be that person. I pray that you are. God give us strategy to make a difference for the 45 million.
Source: http://www.pray4gcr.com/downloads/GCRTF_Progress_Report.pdf
Friday, May 28, 2010
God spoke in Oklahoma
Today as I was riding to Tulsa on my motorcycle (thank you Jesus for that wonderful gift! Please bless Tom today for bring a giver. I pray that he will receive back 2 motorcycles, both better than this one), I was listening through the Old Testament. Then I re-listened to some favorites again. Nahum, Micah, Obadiah, Ezra, Nehemiah. Good stuff.
In the second chapter of Nehemiah, shortly after I crossed the Oklahoma line, I was musing to myself what a leader Nehemiah was; strategic, organized, purposeful, and courageous. All stuff I want to grow in.
"Wow God", I said out loud to the wind rushing by my head. "I like these qualities in this leader."
Suddenly, as I was trying to adjust myself in the saddle that I had been in for the past 1100 miles, God spoke right there on the middle of Rt. 44: "Who does that remind you of?"
"Jason Fitch", I said, suddenly hugely aware that God was hanging out with a biker. It was stinkin' hot, but I was getting chills.
"Me too", God said right back. "Same spirit, same calling, and a man through whom I plan to have similar results. He will rebuild the ancient ruins in the heart of my nation. He will be a wall builder, who devises ways to keep the enemy out."
"Generations of families will look back and thank this man for his visionary sacrifice and hard work on their behalf," the Lord went on. "Like the walls of Jerusalem, he will rebuild the framework of the city (country) destroyed because of it's disobedience. Rebuilding the walls will usher in the courage to rebuild the temple, which will rebuild the character of a once great nation.
Like Nehemiah, I have sent him far away from the post he once had. He will lead the leaders to do the work they have always wanted to do, but never found the courage and organization to do it. He will get it done. I sent him with the provision that he needed, and more is being sent. I have sent troops to protect him, and letters with orders to cause others to give whether they want to or not.
Like Nehemiah, he will be opposed, but with wisdom and focus, he will continue in the work he has been called to do, no matter what anyone else says or does. And he will fully accomplish the purposes for which he was sent. Like Nehemiah, he has not even been able to tell people yet, what I have planned to do through him, because they would not be able to take it in.
Also like Nehemiah, I have sent an Ezra (Jake) to work with him. This man will teach the people the things of God, and will purify the people that God has sent. He will also raise up leaders around him who will carry his work and his fame far beyond the actual things that he himself does.
I am rejoicing over these men, because their obedience now means that I can trust them with far greater things later. In them is the heart of a priest who is a king-maker, and an advisor to rulers of the nation of nations".
Jason, your name comes from the same root as the name 'Jesus', or Joshua meaning 'healer', or 'the Lord is salvation'. This is important for what God said next.
"You have not been named by your father or mother, but by my own mouth", says the Lord. Jesus is seen in you, but will be seen even greater, and many will come to the "Lord our salvation' because of what I have called you to do."
In the second chapter of Nehemiah, shortly after I crossed the Oklahoma line, I was musing to myself what a leader Nehemiah was; strategic, organized, purposeful, and courageous. All stuff I want to grow in.
"Wow God", I said out loud to the wind rushing by my head. "I like these qualities in this leader."
Suddenly, as I was trying to adjust myself in the saddle that I had been in for the past 1100 miles, God spoke right there on the middle of Rt. 44: "Who does that remind you of?"
"Jason Fitch", I said, suddenly hugely aware that God was hanging out with a biker. It was stinkin' hot, but I was getting chills.
"Me too", God said right back. "Same spirit, same calling, and a man through whom I plan to have similar results. He will rebuild the ancient ruins in the heart of my nation. He will be a wall builder, who devises ways to keep the enemy out."
"Generations of families will look back and thank this man for his visionary sacrifice and hard work on their behalf," the Lord went on. "Like the walls of Jerusalem, he will rebuild the framework of the city (country) destroyed because of it's disobedience. Rebuilding the walls will usher in the courage to rebuild the temple, which will rebuild the character of a once great nation.
Like Nehemiah, I have sent him far away from the post he once had. He will lead the leaders to do the work they have always wanted to do, but never found the courage and organization to do it. He will get it done. I sent him with the provision that he needed, and more is being sent. I have sent troops to protect him, and letters with orders to cause others to give whether they want to or not.
Like Nehemiah, he will be opposed, but with wisdom and focus, he will continue in the work he has been called to do, no matter what anyone else says or does. And he will fully accomplish the purposes for which he was sent. Like Nehemiah, he has not even been able to tell people yet, what I have planned to do through him, because they would not be able to take it in.
Also like Nehemiah, I have sent an Ezra (Jake) to work with him. This man will teach the people the things of God, and will purify the people that God has sent. He will also raise up leaders around him who will carry his work and his fame far beyond the actual things that he himself does.
I am rejoicing over these men, because their obedience now means that I can trust them with far greater things later. In them is the heart of a priest who is a king-maker, and an advisor to rulers of the nation of nations".
Jason, your name comes from the same root as the name 'Jesus', or Joshua meaning 'healer', or 'the Lord is salvation'. This is important for what God said next.
"You have not been named by your father or mother, but by my own mouth", says the Lord. Jesus is seen in you, but will be seen even greater, and many will come to the "Lord our salvation' because of what I have called you to do."
Friday, May 07, 2010
needs tension
God is teaching me about various resistances that I have received in life.
When Julie and I announced our engagement, a Sunday School teacher got critical of us. "what are you thinking?", he laughed. "You are way too young!!" Truth be told, we were only 19 and 17 at that point.
I was angry with him for telling me I am not smart. But what that interaction did was cause me to think deeply about my choices and make sure I was ready for it. Julie and I agreed to break up for a short time and see if we could stand it. We couldn't, and because of that confrontation and subsequent soul searching I would not easily change my mind later at the first sign of challenge to our love.
And then there was the pastor who told me "that is the worst vision I ever heard", when I told him about my desire to help people who have given up on church. He told me that I would have a church full of hurting people, who would in turn hurt each other because hurting people do that.
I wonder if I would even remember the value of my vision to reach people who have given up on church, if I had not received the criticism, and been therefore forced to think deeply about it, pray it more carefully, and make it a sure thing. That pastor helped me so much by honestly reflecting his thoughts that day.
And the pastor who told me that he and his board prayed about us, and God spoke. He said God told them that I had made a mistake and wanted to move back home, so they took up an offering and presented me with $150 bucks to rent the truck to get back home.
What his action did, was cause me to carefully think and pray about why I was here in Adam's County and why I had not started this church somewhere else. After that prayer season, I never really doubted it again, and instead rehearsed over and over all the reasons I was sure God sent us here.
The tension each of these situations created, were intense and not fun. But the results were, God made Himself even more clear in my heart, and I ended up very clear about what I was to do.
I should have thanked these guys. Too many times a brilliant thought has come... and was lost for lack of creative tension. Unopposed, these thoughts went quickly forgotten.
At least I guess they did, but since there was no tension, I'm not sure, because I don't remember!
I got my share of critics now, who tell me about all that I am not doing well. I should thank them, when usually I let them stir that old spirit of rejection inside of me, and feel sorry for myself. And fear. And resentment.
I'm sorry God.
When Julie and I announced our engagement, a Sunday School teacher got critical of us. "what are you thinking?", he laughed. "You are way too young!!" Truth be told, we were only 19 and 17 at that point.
I was angry with him for telling me I am not smart. But what that interaction did was cause me to think deeply about my choices and make sure I was ready for it. Julie and I agreed to break up for a short time and see if we could stand it. We couldn't, and because of that confrontation and subsequent soul searching I would not easily change my mind later at the first sign of challenge to our love.
And then there was the pastor who told me "that is the worst vision I ever heard", when I told him about my desire to help people who have given up on church. He told me that I would have a church full of hurting people, who would in turn hurt each other because hurting people do that.
I wonder if I would even remember the value of my vision to reach people who have given up on church, if I had not received the criticism, and been therefore forced to think deeply about it, pray it more carefully, and make it a sure thing. That pastor helped me so much by honestly reflecting his thoughts that day.
And the pastor who told me that he and his board prayed about us, and God spoke. He said God told them that I had made a mistake and wanted to move back home, so they took up an offering and presented me with $150 bucks to rent the truck to get back home.
What his action did, was cause me to carefully think and pray about why I was here in Adam's County and why I had not started this church somewhere else. After that prayer season, I never really doubted it again, and instead rehearsed over and over all the reasons I was sure God sent us here.
The tension each of these situations created, were intense and not fun. But the results were, God made Himself even more clear in my heart, and I ended up very clear about what I was to do.
I should have thanked these guys. Too many times a brilliant thought has come... and was lost for lack of creative tension. Unopposed, these thoughts went quickly forgotten.
At least I guess they did, but since there was no tension, I'm not sure, because I don't remember!
I got my share of critics now, who tell me about all that I am not doing well. I should thank them, when usually I let them stir that old spirit of rejection inside of me, and feel sorry for myself. And fear. And resentment.
I'm sorry God.
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