people I used to Pastor...

It often happens at weddings and funerals, and I probably need to get a better way to handle it.

Those kinds of gatherings seem to..well.. gather, an unusual group of people. Among them many times, are people who once attended Freedom Valley and don't any longer. Sometimes it is an amazingly painful experience to remember what happened to disconnect them.

Omar once told me that I probably look back to much. This would probably be one of the times he would repeat that again. And he is probably right.

But recently Father, you have been gracing my life with an amazing amount of those people coming back into it. In the past two weeks I have had healing conversations with Laurel Roth, Jim Wardrop, Joshua Heckert, Cindy Lowe and so many more, all who once were close, but left a lot of pain behind when they disconnected.

It means so much to me to have any healing in those past situations.

Sometimes at those funerals or weddings, I get this urge to stop the proceedings and try one more time to explain myself, and make it all better. I'm sure it wouldn't (make it all better), but it is tempting nevertheless.

I was spending time with my three closest advisors recently, and mused out loud about how I am sometimes concerned with how hard my heart could get if I let the pain in. I never want to become someone who stops believing in people, stops giving grace freely, or stops trying again with them.

God help me keep giving grace as freely as I keep getting it. And thanks for bringing some of them back again. Forgive me if I get greedy and want it all healed from the years of pastoring and living.