And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. 2 Cor 11:28. (emphasis mine)
Something in me is a little comforted when I read that Paul had anxiety. In PhilippiansThe Holy Spirit writes through Paul that we should "be anxious for nothing". Yet here he is in the book to Corinthians, exposing that the anxiety free life is easier said than done.
I get comfort from that.
I am currently at a very good place. I LOVE my job and love the role God allows me to play in planting churches, helping people come to Jesus, healing emotions and bodies, and prophesying God's goodness over God's flock. What job could ever be better than that? God has been exceedingly gracious to me for reasons I cannot explain.
Yet there have been several times in my life when I was so deep into the anxiety of leadership that I was barely functional. And there have been family vacations when I dreaded coming back and almost felt as if I was unable to get my shoulder under the burden again, and felt like I could cry for days without stopping.
Leaders get so beat up. Pastors especially. You are told you don't pray enough, witness enough, lead enough, worship enough, read your Bible enough, pursue education enough, follow the Holy Spirit well enough, pay attention to your family enough, give generously enough, appreciate people enough, spend enough time with people, spend enough time away from people, give enough grace, discipline enough, read enough, spend enough time with young people, visit the sick enough, and on, and on, and... you get the picture. The ought-to's are merciless.
Last week one of my Pastor friends got an email that started out something like: "I know you are going through a lot, but that gives you no reason to shit on my family." No kidding. With tears in his voice, that Pastor told me he had no real idea of what or how he had hurt that person or done anything negative to them.
Last Sunday, a man walked into one of our churches, demanded the microphone to bring some kind of misguided correction, and when he did not get it, proceeded to go home and email out preposterous accusations and crazy stuff to everyone he knew! He may think that his pastor could just take it, and take whatever else could be dished out. But this stuff takes a toll on a leader and on that leaders family.
Something in me is a little comforted when I read that Paul had anxiety. In PhilippiansThe Holy Spirit writes through Paul that we should "be anxious for nothing". Yet here he is in the book to Corinthians, exposing that the anxiety free life is easier said than done.
I get comfort from that.
I am currently at a very good place. I LOVE my job and love the role God allows me to play in planting churches, helping people come to Jesus, healing emotions and bodies, and prophesying God's goodness over God's flock. What job could ever be better than that? God has been exceedingly gracious to me for reasons I cannot explain.
Yet there have been several times in my life when I was so deep into the anxiety of leadership that I was barely functional. And there have been family vacations when I dreaded coming back and almost felt as if I was unable to get my shoulder under the burden again, and felt like I could cry for days without stopping.
Leaders get so beat up. Pastors especially. You are told you don't pray enough, witness enough, lead enough, worship enough, read your Bible enough, pursue education enough, follow the Holy Spirit well enough, pay attention to your family enough, give generously enough, appreciate people enough, spend enough time with people, spend enough time away from people, give enough grace, discipline enough, read enough, spend enough time with young people, visit the sick enough, and on, and on, and... you get the picture. The ought-to's are merciless.
Last week one of my Pastor friends got an email that started out something like: "I know you are going through a lot, but that gives you no reason to shit on my family." No kidding. With tears in his voice, that Pastor told me he had no real idea of what or how he had hurt that person or done anything negative to them.
Last Sunday, a man walked into one of our churches, demanded the microphone to bring some kind of misguided correction, and when he did not get it, proceeded to go home and email out preposterous accusations and crazy stuff to everyone he knew! He may think that his pastor could just take it, and take whatever else could be dished out. But this stuff takes a toll on a leader and on that leaders family.
But when I read that the great apostle Paul also sometimes struggles with anxiety concerning his job, it comforts me somehow. Don't get me wrong, I am not feeling much anxiety at all right now. But I realize that I am one or two angry people away from it at all times. And I am very, very thankful when God gives me the grace to shield me from lots of it from time to time.
Without His shielding me, I doubt if I would love my job. Nor could I last very long in it.
I tell my wife of you all the time. I tell her that I dont think you realize how much I love you Gerry. Ive told her about the role you played in speaking into my life. How Im proud to tell people you played a mentor role in my life. How my leadership in life, how I view challenges, and my so much more came from your passion, and love for Jesus, and seeing lives changes. ~Just sayin, Daniel
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