anxiety not thyself

And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. 2 Cor 11:28. (emphasis mine)


Something in me is a little comforted when I read that Paul had anxiety. In PhilippiansThe Holy Spirit writes through Paul that we should "be anxious for nothing". Yet here he is in the book to Corinthians, exposing that the anxiety free life is easier said than done.


I get comfort from that.


I am currently at a very good place. I LOVE my job and love the role God allows me to play in planting churches, helping people come to Jesus, healing emotions and bodies, and prophesying God's goodness over God's flock. What job could ever be better than that? God has been exceedingly gracious to me for reasons I cannot explain.


Yet there have been several times in my life when I was so deep into the anxiety of leadership that I was barely functional. And there have been family vacations when I dreaded coming back and almost felt as if I was unable to get my shoulder under the burden again, and felt like I could cry for days without stopping.


Leaders get so beat up. Pastors especially. You are told you don't pray enough, witness enough, lead enough, worship enough, read your Bible enough, pursue education enough, follow the Holy Spirit well enough, pay attention to your family enough, give generously enough, appreciate people enough, spend enough time with people, spend enough time away from people, give enough grace, discipline enough, read enough, spend enough time with young people, visit the sick enough, and on, and on, and... you get the picture. The ought-to's are merciless.


Last week one of my Pastor friends got an email that started out something like: "I know you are going through a lot, but that gives you no reason to shit on my family." No kidding. With tears in his voice, that Pastor told me he had no real idea of what or how he had hurt that person or done anything negative to  them.


Last Sunday, a man walked into one of our churches, demanded the microphone to bring some kind of misguided correction, and when he did not get it, proceeded to go home and email out preposterous accusations and crazy stuff to everyone he knew! He may think that his pastor could just take it, and take whatever else could be dished out. But this stuff takes a toll on a leader and on that leaders family.

But when I read that the great apostle Paul also sometimes struggles with anxiety concerning his job, it comforts me somehow. Don't get me wrong, I am not feeling much anxiety at all right now. But I realize that I am one or two angry people away from it at all times. And I am very, very thankful when God gives me the grace to shield me from lots of it from time to time. 

Without His shielding me, I doubt if I would love my job. Nor could I last very long in it.

In the last 24 hours, I found two more local people who plan to open churches. These guys are not classically trained to plant churches or be pastors. They simply have a burning and unquenchable desire to do what Jesus said: "make disciples". Both of these leaders seemed afraid or tentative about telling me their vision because I could have squelched it, mocked it, or denigrated it, and that would be unbearable to face.

But find the courage they did.

I sometimes ache for more paradigm breakers. That is, for people who do things a little differently and are willing to break open the mold, change up the style, walk a little differently, and show us all new ways that it can be done. For example, men that come out of a business background and don't have enough Bible school and church leadership training, but do have a burning desire to please the Lord in doing their calling. Better yet? Women who refuse to be held back form their calling because they are women. In fact these women won't even discuss gender as a challenging thing because they cannot afford to give the issue air.

Love that.

They simply follow God's call and the commend to "go and make disciples". Yes I am aware that these kinds of leaders rarely make it. Maybe only 1 or 2 out of ten actually get their vision done. The rest burn out, drop out, get discouraged, or whatever. The downside is that some of these get bitter that things didn't work, I hate it when that happens. But for those 1-2 out of ten that make it, it often seems like they help all of us by showing us that it can be done differently than we thought. To all of them I say; you may or may not make it. But it is so cool that you are doing your best to follow Jesus no matter what.

Liberty community church I had such a wonderful time at Bealton, Virginia yesterday in Liberty Community Church. This church welcomed me so warmly, and received the teachings of Jesus with their whole hearts. Probably at least 25 of them responded to the gospel, many with weeping and deep repentance. They bought books- I think they all bought a book! I sold en entire case of them, and signed them. Very nice. I am amazed at all that Pastor Wes and Linda have done and are doing. Linda teaches kids with passion. Their daughter Amanda helps lead worship, and son Josiah is on the technical support team- both of them leaders, excellent, and cool. LCC is bright, pulsating with life, and you can feel God's heart in these passionate Christ followers. Bealeton is a hugely improved town because of the inner healing, renewed hope, and powerful life of God that is happening in this church and it's people. Years ago, Freedom Valley became somewhat of a parent to LCC when we helped them get started, a fact that I am so grateful to God for. Pastor Wes teaches in our leadership school. I am thrilled that my son got to sit under his teaching.

Alpha strong

Our first Alpha group is nearing completion. This weekend is the intensive weekend, where Friday night and Saturday morning are spent in understanding the Holy Spirit, being filled with the Spirit, and the spiritual gifts.

I am dreaming of growing up some strong, powerful, world changing believers. Not merely faithful church attenders, and good tithers. I want world changers, and people who live life with a vengeance for attacking evil and forcefully establish good. I want people who really deeply believe we will take over the world. I want to be one of them.

I think inside the human soul is that kind of longing in all of us. God help me create an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit is pleased to grow those kind.

heroes of mine

Every 6 weeks I get to meet with my heroes. These men and women (thanks for being along Alicia!)have left lucrative careers, free time, and hobbies behind to pursue the one thing they feel God called them to do; organize a new salvation-healing-and vision-fulfilling machine. We call these machines, a local church.

Church planters risk it all. They stay up nights, reading about strategies, learning how to walk like Jesus, and trying to understand how to lead. (it's way tougher than it looked to me decades ago). They love people who criticize their vision, and believe into existence something that does not even exist, while many question whether or not it SHOULD exist.

They are willing to raise their own families while raising themselves up into leaders. They are willing to give more than anyone else. Then they give more. They love people who they know sit in the back and criticize pretty much everything they do, hoping that one day the critic will get it.

On the days they feel too tired to even move, one more person calls in crisis, and they give up an extra half hour of sleep to listen, pray, and believe for one more miracle. Many of these men and women give past their own breaking point. Then they get up early to do it again. And to do more of it.

Around them, God has placed an even gutsier group of people who work with them, give, believe with them, and invite their friends to church. Each one of them live to see others receive the grace of God, enjoy freedom from their past, and grow toward their vision for life.

I love the church so much. Heroes walk among us.

teaching kids

I felt like I really connected with Kid's Connect tonight. I taught them about how I overcame night mares by learning to use the name of Jesus. Then we read Matthew 10 where Jesus warns us that life has a way of unearthing our secrets and shouting form the rooftops the very things we thought we had covered up and hidden.

The kids got real quiet as I told them how I stole a belt when I was around 10, and though I never got caught, I couldn't live with it and years later had to show up at the door of the folks I stole from and pay for that belt.

Something inside of us refuses to allow secrets to remain... secret.

Some people think they got it covered and are okay, then only a few years later some 'mysterious' illness crops up, like their very bodies refuse to allow it to be covered. Others confess it wide-eyed, believing they are really opening up, only to have many look at them and say they already knew it was going on.

Jesus said we don't need to fear things being revealed if we live life openly, honestly, and without secrets. If I confess my sins, I get to control when it gets revealed at least. If I don't what I should remind myself to know is that it certainly will be revealed and I am very unlikely to like how it is told.

Lots of our fear comes from being afraid of our secrets. We can get relief by getting it told, and conquer fear by facing it.

Living life honestly is so much simpler. God help me never forget the misery of trying to hide anything.

On the other hand, if we secretly bless, God rewards. If we secretly (privately) speak complimentary things of others, the reward is sure. If we meet God in private, He promised that it will show, openly. Even good secrets cannot stay hidden.

great day on the battlefield

I spent the day showing my Aussie friends Mark and Gayle around the Gettysburg Battlefield today. Gorgeous sunshine, good friends,and this town. Gettysburg is an amazing place. The ground hallowed by the sacrifice of more than 7000 deaths, and 51,000 total dead, missing, or wounded, makes this a place Americans come to consider the past and grapple with the stain of slavery, division, and war.

My friends asked why the South lost, and it's hard to explain. There are legends of killer angels who showed up on the battlefield, that soldiers of both sides witnessed. General Lee's orders were confused or carried out poorly by generals and soldiers who loved doing what he said and believed in his leadership. Bottom line? It seems like God intervened at Gettysburg.

President Lincoln's history is also interestingly tweaked up in this town. He wrote the famous Gettysburg Address on the train way here, and reported that he had his first real encounter with God in this trip, and that God become truly personal to him here.

John Wega calls this "the altar of the nation", where Americans come to process our historical evils, and try to learn how to become better people. John and I dreamed together today about a house of prayer where tourists come to see and pray for the future of this nation. I am also dreaming of our town being part of a huge sweeping move toward God through new churches being planted, which will bring in hundreds of thousands of new believers into the grace of God.

So in the past few weeks I have had huge breakthroughs,... and major setbacks. But I also have the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear that this is going to be good and He is working both ends against the middle to help us get great things done. I believe it more than ever.

In the next 8 years, we will plant more than 100 life giving churches. In the next 18, we are believing to plant more than 1000. It's going to take God making the enemy have a Gettysburg of a day, and killer angels to help us out, but I think it will get done. I am convinced that God wants this done far more than I do. I am also convinced that if I don't do it, others will, because ultimately, it is HIM doing it.

I just feel very honored to be involved.